You’re Naked but No One Is Looking
In middle school, I had puffy, pointy little breasts. I feared that, were a partner to ever see them, they would simply leave the room in disappointment.
My body would be stuck like this absolutely forever, and I would never get laid. No other girl in existence had a body like mine. I was alone, hideous, and malformed.
I never checked around the gym locker room to see how the other girls were faring. That’d be weird.
Inappropriate.
Sorta gay. (This was the 90s. I had to conceal my attraction to women at all costs.)
I was convinced I was alone.
Comparing notes later, I found out that everyone felt this way. Everyone was so self-conscious that they never thought to look around.
We are all in this locker room of life, lumpy and wiggly and malformed.
This isn’t just about bodies, either. If you look — really look — at other people, you’ll see that their lives are sloppy. People yearn for things. They love poorly. They giggle at funerals. They cry in bathrooms.
You can use this knowledge to connect.
If we had talked, or looked, or been honest, we could have found common ground and felt better.
Even the most boring or shitty person in your life is self-conscious, too.
They might be more like you than you think, but are afraid to share it.
You don’t have to talk to them to find this out. Sometimes it’s enough to know it’s there.
But if you want to talk to others, you’ll find that you aren’t so alone.
You can use this knowledge to be who you want.
If everyone’s so focused on themselves, they’re not paying attention to you.
You are finally free.
You can decide that it’s depressing that no one cares.
Or you can be liberated.
Think of all the things you can do now that you know no one’s paying attention to you. You can dress how you want. You can pursue the interests you like. You can have a bad hair day. No one is looking.
Be grateful for this leeway. I am.
I must confess to you that my boobs never came out perfect.
Luckily, most people are too self-conscious about themselves to notice.
No one’s ever seen them and left the room.